One branch, five stops, one very common mistake
The Piccadilly line splits in two at Acton Town, and its Heathrow branch heads out through South Ealing and Northfields before it crosses into the TW postcodes. From there five stations come in quick succession, Boston Manor, Osterley, Hounslow East, Hounslow Central and Hounslow West, before the line carries on to Hatton Cross and the terminals. On the Tube map they look interchangeable. On foot, with a coat over one arm and a road to cross, they very much are not.
The mistake Iris sees most often is simple. An address says Hounslow, so the guest names the first Hounslow station that comes to mind. But the three Hounslow stops are strung along the north and west of the town and each one serves a different end of it. The second mistake is quieter and worse: Hounslow station, with no second word, is not on the Underground at all. It is a South Western Railway stop south of the High Street, on the line from Waterloo, and it sits a good ten minutes' walk from Hounslow Central.
What follows is a street level key, station by station, so that the name you send is the name she needs.
Boston Manor: north Brentford, not the middle of it
Boston Manor station stands on Boston Manor Road, a 1934 building by Charles Holden with a slim brick tower whose upper glass bricks were designed to glow after dark. It serves the northern side of TW8: Boston Manor House, the Jacobean mansion of 1623, and its park, the Grand Union Canal and the River Brent, the playing fields and the southern fringe of Hanwell.
What it does not serve well is the Brentford most visitors mean. For the High Street, the canal basin around Brentford Lock, the riverside flats and the new stadium, Boston Manor involves a long walk south under the motorway. Brentford's own railway station, Kew Bridge, or Gunnersbury on the District line and the Overground are all better bets for that end of Brentford. If your address is in TW8, tell Iris the street rather than the station and let her choose.
Osterley: the Great West Road and the park
Osterley station opened in 1934 on the Great West Road, a brick tower topped with a concrete finial that makes it easy to spot from a car. It replaced an older station a few hundred metres east, whose building still stands on Thornbury Road. Osterley is the stop for the residential streets of Osterley in TW7, for Windmill Lane and Wyke Green, for the long walk up to the National Trust's Osterley Park, and for the hotels and offices on this stretch of the A4.
The trap here is the road itself. The Great West Road is a wide dual carriageway that runs through Brentford, Isleworth, Osterley and Hounslow, and an address that says only 'Great West Road' could be several miles from this station. Give the building name or the number and the nearest junction. Vanessa, anchored a minute from the station on Windmill Lane, uses the Piccadilly line far more than any car, and would much rather be told which side of the dual carriageway to come out on than discover it at the kerb.
Hounslow East: the London Road end of town
Hounslow East is on Kingsley Road and was rebuilt in the early 2000s, with a green roofed building on the eastbound side. It is the nearest stop for the eastern end of the High Street, where it runs on towards Isleworth and becomes the London Road, and for the residential streets around Kingsley Road.
It is tempting to use it for Isleworth itself, and that is usually a mistake. Old Isleworth, the riverside and Church Street are well over a mile away, and Isleworth has its own railway station on the Waterloo line that gets much closer. Hounslow East is the right answer for an address on the eastern side of TW3 and the wrong one for almost anything in TW7.
Hounslow Central and Hounslow West
Hounslow Central is on Lampton Road, roughly five hundred metres north of the High Street and close to Lampton Park, behind a station front that dates from 1912. There is one ticket hall and a single island platform, so two people arranging to meet there cannot end up on different sides of anything. It is the stop for the middle of the High Street, the Treaty Centre, and the hotels on Lampton Road, and it is the obvious choice for most of Hounslow Central. Samanta is based two minutes from its entrance and arrives among the late suitcases on Lampton Road without the slightest fuss.
Hounslow West, on the Bath Road, is the 1931 Holden building with the many sided ticket hall and platforms below street level. It serves TW4 beyond the western end of the High Street, the streets towards the heath, and the Bath Road heading out towards Cranford, with bus routes running west along it. Roxi is two minutes from the entrance and treats the station as the start of a walk rather than the end of a journey.
What to send, so she comes out on the right side
A station name on its own is a good start and rarely enough. Add the direction to turn on leaving, the first road to take and one landmark: a pub, a parade of shops, a church. 'Out of Osterley, turn left along the Great West Road, second right' reaches the door. A postcode alone often does not, because several of these roads carry the same name in more than one town, a problem covered properly in the guide to TW addresses that share a road name.
Most bookings in these postcodes are at a hotel or at somebody's own address, and the station key matters most for the private ones. The check is the street and the door number, or the hotel and the room, and it happens once. An hour near a station is £250, two hours £500, and the journey out is folded into the quoted figure rather than added to it. The fee itself changes hands once, in person, soon after she reaches you.
One more thing to bear in mind. If you have chosen somebody from the blondes page, she may well be based on the river side of TW7 or out at Feltham, and arrive by South Western Railway rather than by Tube. Iris will tell you which line she is on, and the station advice changes with it.
Filed under: most of the names in this note also sit on the brunettes shortlist in the panel.